Pipes and divorce : Pipes and Tobaccos Magazine

Pipes and divorce

Before things get bad, hide the good pipes

by Marty Pulvers

There are some columns that deserve to be repeated yearly, for new arrivals or even as critical reminders to regular visitors to this spot. This is one of those articles, although it has been some years since I last delivered it.

Yes, it would be a bit self-serving to dip into files (there aren’t really any files here, but let’s pretend) to avoid the pain of having to think of something new, but there is the possibility that years of experience will help a customer avoid a lot of pain and financial loss.

The subject is pipes and divorce. Divorce in today’s world is a fact of life (in Italy, Ireland, I don’t care what country you name, Catholic or otherwise). If you’re fatuous enough to get married in, say, your early 20s, you should place a bet on it. A bet against yourself in this instance allows you to win either way, actually.

What does divorce have to do with pipes? Asking the question proves your naiveté. It has everything to do with pipes, mainly your pipes. Or, more trenchantly, those pipes that were once yours.

No, the ex is not going to garnish the pipes as part of the settlement. She will just make certain that you’re not going to keep them. They will be destroyed, given away or thrown away. Your collection, whether it’s a compilation of brands sold by S.S. Kresge or an exclusive Swiss tobacco shop, is kaput.

“Why, Marty,” you ask, “would you make such an assertion? My wife never exhibited any animosity toward my pipes, or my purchase of them. In fact, she often expressed how much she liked the smell of them and even liked to take occasional puffs.”

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Category: Feature Article, Other Stories, Summer 2015

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