Meet the Staff
Many people think it takes a staff of trained professionals to produce a magazine like Pipes and tobaccos. Those people are wrong.
Dayton Matlick, Chairman With decades of experience in tobacco publishing, Matlick founded P&T magazine because he likes pipes. “The industry and hobby needed a magazine like this,” he says, “and I needed more pipes.” He immediately became publisher of P&T because he owns the company and can be whatever he wants.
Mike Macdonald, Vice President/Chief Operating Officer Macdonald spends most of his time in a fetal position under his desk mumbling Lewis Carroll poetry—few have seen him outside of staff meetings. Primarily responsible for scheduling meetings about what further meetings are necessary before additional meetings can be scheduled, Macdonald is the company problem solver. “What kinds of problems?” he asks. “Try giving liquor, motorcycles and pellet guns to a college rugby club and you might start to understand the kinds of problems we have.”
Rhonda Combs, Chief Financial Officer “Does no one here,” says Combs, “understand basic economics? You have to make more than you spend.” Nearly always in a state of weary exasperation, she is often seen roaming the halls pulling out her hair, which she fashions into tiny voodoo dolls of the sales staff to line up on her window sill. “No, you can’t have a hot tub in the pipe room,” she says, brandishing a straight pin. “Go sell a subscription or something for God’s sake.”
Chuck Stanion, Editor in Chief After his incarceration for selling moonshine and counterfeit county fair tickets in the backwater towns of Arkansas, Stanion decided to change careers and become a writer. “I know most of the alphabet,” he says, “and my father knew a guy who owned a dictionary, so writing is a natural fit.” He was hired by P&T magazine because he smoked more than the other applicants.
Stephen A. Ross, Senior Editor The only editorial staff member with an education past the fifth grade, Ross is the true intelligence behind P&T, though he’s probably held back by the jealousy of his coworkers. “They’re intimidated because I can spell ‘subterfyooge,’” he sulks. “Wait, lemme see what you just wrote down. No, it’s S U B T E R F U G E, you idiot.”
William C. Nelson, Associate Editor Abandoned in infancy and raised by a family of migrating Canadian geese, Nelson honks occasionally when speaking, but his writing skills are excellent (he prefers quill pens). He says he can fly, and while that claim has not been confirmed, he does get to work on time without using a car. We first found him on the side of the Interstate with a sign reading “Will document references in MLA or AP style for aquatic grains and grasses.” We pay him in lawn clippings.
Rachel Dorrell, Copy Editor Before becoming a copy editor, Dorrell spent a year ranching cats in North Dakota. “It’s a great life, riding the range, listening to the yowls of 600 head of cat,” she says. “They’re hard to rope, and branding requires strategy, but there’s no better life than cat herding. And there are parallels to copy editing. When I correct some of the editors here they often react like a roped cat.”
Connor Sears, Copy Editor Sears recently graduated from a prestigious journalism school—we know because we kidnapped him immediately following his convocation and locked him in a rat-infested closet here at our sumptuous international headquarters, where he remains duct-taped to a chair and earns his choice of a sip of stagnant water or sliver of contaminated cheese for every 5,000 words he edits. Though quiet and reserved (due, perhaps, to the malnutrition, the duct tape over his mouth and the flying monkeys standing guard), Sears is the most motivated of our acclaimed staff members.
Emily Holloway, Account Manager Holloway assists the many clients clamoring to purchase advertising space in P&T. “I have to turn away an awful lot of companies simply because they are not worthy,” she says. “P&T isn’t for everyone and we have to be very selective. But if you know anyone—anyone—who has a couple of bucks—or cows, potatoes or chickens to trade—have them call me. Toll free. Today. Please call.”
Marrilyn Jackson, Sales Coordinator As liaison to advertisers and tasked with assisting our sales account managers, Jackson’s most important qualification is that she does not own a firearm. “The sales staff’s previous assistants would shoot at them all the time,” she says. “I’d shoot them too, but I don’t have a gun.”
Heather Brittingham, Customer Service Every organization needs someone who can be polite. Unlike the rest of the staff, Brittingham can speak with someone on the phone for more than 30 seconds without spontaneously insulting them. “I like the pipe people,” she says. “For folks whose enthusiasm borders on obsession, they’re great fun. And they’re so much better to talk with than the people who work here.”
Josh Laurore, Human Resources Manager The HR manager has the unenviable job of making sure no one in the office does anything to anyone else in the office that could get the company sued. “I’m exhausted,” says Laurore. “It’s like trying to teach a pack of hyenas how to use hors d’oeuvre forks.” With the impossible task of guiding our staff members to act like reasonable facsimiles of human beings, Laurore has lasted longer than most. They tend to set their office furniture on fire and run from the building within hours.
Kathryn Kyle, Marketing Manager “I don’t know what’s going on here,” says Kyle. “I wandered in to ask for directions and they put me to work. At first they said it was temporary but now they won’t let me go. Please, send help.”
Tracy Hill, Graphic Design Associate From a military family, Hill likes organization and standards, so it makes no sense that she chose to work here. Highly competent, educated and talented, she is a puzzle to us. Sometimes we stand around and watch her work and marvel at her efficiency before bumbling back to our own offices to eat crackers and try to get our computers to turn themselves on.
Dan Kurtz, Graphic Design Associate Kurtz has relinquished the exciting lifestyle of a professional musician to work with us–six or eight times now. He’s a talented guitarist but even so he keeps coming back to avoid starvation. Part electronics himself (he electively replaced part of his frontal lobe last year with a 12AX7 NOS vintage preamp vacuum tube), Kurtz is able to communicate with the rest of the staff via email, but his personal conversation skills are limited to snarling and pawing at the air as if trying to knock apples out of an invisible tree.
Pipes and tobaccos
3101 Poplarwood Ct, Suite 115
Raleigh, NC 27604, USA
Subscription email: Heather Brittingham
919.872.5040 ext. 238